11/17/16

Dine And Dash
By E.S. Wynn


I knew a guy who used to travel from town to town, skipping his bill at every diner he visited. He'd eat for free for weeks that way, just dine and dash and leave the wait-staff shaking their fists while he burned rubber toward the highway. No one ever caught him or stopped him. No one ever coordinated any sort of search for him. For months, he got away with it, stopping at a different place every day.
Until he stopped at the wrong place.
It was a little cafe on the Interstate. One of those little roadside joints where they sell alligator jerky and sun-brewed sweet tea. Much as he always did, the guy ate like a king, racked up a pretty serious bill, then got up to go to the bathroom.
Only he didn't go to the bathroom. He waited until the one waiter on duty went back to speak with the chef, and then he tip-toed to the door and slipped out with all the grace of a cartoon villain.
When he got outside, though, the chef was already waiting for him with a meat cleaver in his hand.
“Heard about you,” he said. “Skipping out on bills from here to Florida.”
This guy, he just cracked a grin and said, “Yeah, what of it?”
“What of it?” The chef asked, pointing with his meat cleaver. “I reckon you've racked up about thirty thousand in unpaid services, boy.”
“That's a lot of dishes to wash,” the guy mocked.
“Won't be no dish washing for you,” the chef said. “I've got something else in mind. Buddy of mine runs organs down to people in need at the hospital three towns over. Good pay for good parts, and the rest of you – well, I see some cuts that will probably go good on the grill.”

Yeah, I knew a guy who used to skip his bill at every diner he visited.
That is, until his debts finally caught up with him.
By then, he'd gotten fat and delicious. I'm still picking bits of him out of my teeth.


- - -
E.S. Wynn is the author of over fifty books in print. During the last decade, he has worked with hundreds of authors and edited thousands of manuscripts for nearly a dozen different magazines. His stories and articles have been published in dozens of journals, zines and anthologies. He has taught classes in literature, marketing, math, spirituality and guided meditation. Outside of writing, he has worked as a voice-over artist for several different horror and sci-fi podcasts, albums and ebooks.