12/17/15

Buck’s Brainstorm
By C.E. Gee (aka Chuck)


Buck picked his way past a garage full of cabinets, cardboard boxes, electronic gear, computers, piles of old books and magazines.

Buck bellied up to his work bench, flipped open the screen of a laptop, then heard a vehicle in the driveway. He opened the garage door.

Buck strolled up to the car just as Jerry climbed out.

“How you doing, man?” asked Jerry. “Haven’t seen you in awhile.”

“Been busy,” replied Buck, smiling at his old friend.

“What you working on?” asked Jerry.

The two men entered the garage; Buck closed the door, turned to Jerry, replied, “You’re not going to believe it.”

“Try me,” challenged Jerry.

Buck pointed to a pair of plastic lawn chairs. “Maybe we should sit. My explanation might take some time.”

They sat. There came a moment of silence as Buck found his words.

Buck asked, “You familiar with the theory that nuclear fusion at the Sun’s core generates the Sun’s energy?”

“Sure.”

“Well that energy is spread out, goes from infrared to gamma rays and everything betwixt and between, maybe even beyond.”

Jerry shrugged a disinterested acknowledgement.

Buck declared, “The currently accepted theory about how fusion works in the Sun is fundamentally incorrect.”

Jerry nodded, said, “Go on.”

“My competing theory is all about cosmic rays, specifically gamma rays. The fusion at the Sun’s core doesn’t so much cause some gamma rays and such as much as it’s initiated by those rays.”

Jerry smirked as he asked, “So where do those cosmic rays come from?”

“Black holes.”

Jerry huffed, wagged his head in disbelief.
“Man,” Jerry said, “you’ve come up with some wacko ideas in your time, but this one takes the cake.”

With just a hint of condescension, Buck replied, “You’re familiar with the fact that galaxies have black holes within them, often at their centers?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll try to make this explanation as concise as possible.

"The black holes generate channels, channels through another dimension, channels to stars in their galaxy.

“Energy taken in by black holes is recycled out to the stars via these channels. Much the same way that experimenters on Earth try to start fusion reactions by using lasers, streams of cosmic rays causes fusion in suns.

“Civilizations more advanced than ours use these channels, hyperspace channels I call ‘em -- they use these channels for interstellar travel and also for communication.”

Jerry leaned forward, patted Buck on the knee, sat back in his chair, said, “Interesting theory. How you plan to prove it?”

“Already did.”

Buck stood, motioned for Jerry to follow, went to the work bench.

At the work bench, Buck asked, “You’ve noticed that parabolic antenna on my garage roof?”

“Sure.”

“I’ve motorized it,” said Buck. “You know, like in the old days when people in rural areas used electric motors to remotely rotate their TV antennas so as to home in on specific TV stations. In this case, my antenna automatically follows the Sun.“

There was a flat-screen television mounted on the wall above the workbench. As Buck switched on the television, he said, “My laptop’s USB port is fed by the roof’s antenna through a converter I built that takes downloaded signals from the antenna and converts them. I then use the laptop’s video out jack to feed the TV’s component video jack.”

Buck typed at the laptop’s keyboard for a moment, then said, “The people at SETI point their antennas away from the Sun because of interference. They should be pointing their antennas directly at the Sun.”

Buck pressed his laptop’s ENTER key; an image appeared on the television’s screen.

The image was that of a pond. Vegetation surrounding the pond was unfamiliar though obviously tropical in appearance. Two scorpion-like creatures wearing utility belts skittered into the field of view. The creatures moved on four legs, and they had four arms tipped with pincers –- pincers that were proportionally much smaller than pincers found on the scorpions of Earth.

The creatures backed up to the pond, lowered their tails into the water. They were very close to one another –- intertwined antenna.
“That’s it,” commented Buck. “They just sit there for a few minutes, then move off. Then, two more scorpions, or whatever they are, they repeat the scene. Then, two more. This goes on all the time until their sun sets.”

Buck poked at the laptop’s number pad a few times, hit the ENTER key.

Another image flashed to life.

A large insect was surrounded by a mob of smaller insects. The insects resembled outsized locusts but had humanoid heads. The smaller insects took turns mating with the large insect.

Buck said, “I suspect they got those heads by deliberate DNA mixing with another species.

Buck changed channels again –- and again and again and again. Each channel displayed mating practices of aliens.

Finally, Buck said, “There are many thousands of these channels. I’ve yet to discern any logical purpose that’s served by them. Perhaps they’re instructional? Or maybe they’re similar to our wildlife documentaries?”

Jerry laughed, clapped his friend on the shoulder while saying, “Man, I’ve known you for a long, long time. You’re the most intelligent person I’ve ever been around. But you know, like many of your ilk, you sometimes don’t see the obvious.”

To Buck’s questioning look, Jerry continued, “This incredible interstellar communications system is just like our Internet. No doubt, advanced beings built it with perfectly logical and practical intentions. But once their general public got involved with it, it’s become filled with porn.”

Buck’s mouth fell open. He gaped at the screen, exclaimed, “Good grief! I believe you’re right!”

Buck snorted, shook his head. “Let’s go get a beer. I need one.”


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Chuck has answered many callings: logger, factory worker, Vietnam infantryman,, telecommunications technician, volunteer fireman and EMT, light show roady, businessperson, sysop, webmaster. Retired and a disabled vet, Chuck now writes.